Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hot Monsters of Television and Film

Foto_Bela_Lugosi The original hot monster, Bela Lugosi

In my recent blog post, In Search of a Hot Monster:  The Boys of London, I discussed the results of an experiment I conducted during my visit to the United Kingdom to see how many lads of London would click my digital counter so to speak as a hot monster.  The goal of the experiment is to determine if the blokes of London are hotter monsters than the boys of New York City.  To reach this goal, I am presently conducting my research in the city until 29 April 2010, keeping a daily tally of hits and notes about those hits.  I will ultimately compare these results with my London score of 68 hot monsters.

Since I of course cannot include photographs of the hot monsters I saw in London (except the 3 soldiers at The Tower of London) or those that I am now seeing here in the States, I have decided to post pictures of 10 hot monsters from film and TV that have caused me to pause and look twice.  Now, generally, I am not a star f*cker or an obsessed and fixated fan, but these 10 men from the past and the present, living and dead, have always struck my fancy and continue to strike it today.  Posting these images will give you dear reader a sense of my own parameters for the designation and accolade of hot monster which I carefully bestow on the men of the world.

I.  Jon Hamm


Jon Hamm is a total dream.  I chose this photograph of him because his look here with tussled hair, facial scruff and wide eyes looking up is in such contrast to his character Don Draper’s appearance on Mad Men.  That look too is hot, hot,  hot.  The slim fitting suit with the dark skinny tie and the Brill creamed hair is incredibly sexy- a sexiness which is only heightened by his smoking and the clinking of the glass of rye whiskey on the rocks he often holds in his hand.  A good tumble would mess up that slicked hair nicely and its residue would be all over the bed.

II.  Gil Gerard


Gil Gerard occupied the fantasies of my adolescence when he appeared in TV’s Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, a show of mediocre quality and limited and perhaps only nostalgic scifi appeal.  Yet, Gil in his skin tight 2 piece white bodysuit that accentuated everything more than made up for the poor storylines and continually rehashed special effects.  From what I remember, Gil had a massive hairy chest which he often displayed on the show in I guess an attempt for ratings from overtired moms and queer teen boys like myself.  I think he would be classified as a “bear” in today’s parlance.

III.  Chris O’Donnell


Chris O’Donnell first came to my attention wearing a skintight suit as Robin in one of the piss poor Batman sequels.  There was an attempt at the time to position him as a teen idol for teenage girls (and boys), but he never had enough fluff to pull that subject position off.  He has returned recently on the CBS show NCIS: Los Angeles where his suedehead haircut, facial scruff and icy blue eyes are extremely seductive.  He is an individual who has gotten hotter as he has gotten older.

IV.  Chuck Heston


Chuck Heston always conjures up wonderful memories for  me.  The first time I saw him on film was in 1974 when my family lived in Brooklyn and I watched Planet of the Apes  for the first time at a movie revival house.  I was not only struck by the film’s narrative, but also by the site of Chuck’s naked body.  I was hooked on Heston from that moment.  Not only was he a ruggedly handsome man, but a wonderful actor.  See Touch of Evil especially or even Ben-Hur.  I even love him in his other scifi adventures such as Soylent Green and my all time favorite The Omega Man.  His gun comments late in life were unfortunate and divisive at the time, but  I choose to remember him naked diving into that lagoon on a future Earth.

V.  Brad Davis


Brad Davis died too young, but he left us with two wonderful movies:  Midnight Express in 1978 and the masterful Querelle directed by Rainer Werner Fassbinder.  That film  is like a hallucinatory dream in its almost Technicolor brilliance and surreal sets and Brad Davis is scorching as the sailor Georges Querelle who exudes desire as both object and subject throughout the film.

VI.  Peter Facinelli


Peter Facinelli caught my attention when he appeared on the first season of Damages with Glenn Close a few years ago.  He is total eye candy and in my list of hot monsters of television and film there should be at least one gratuitous, purely visceral entrant.  And Peter is it.  Currently, he stars on Nurse Jackie with Edie Falco.

VII.  John Goodman


Ok, now some of you are perhaps scratching your head and those of you in the know are not.  John Goodman especially in his younger days on Roseanne is a total hot monster and a giant one at that.  There is something about his smile, his humor, his acting ability and the way he moves his big body that is dead sexy or as my friend would say dumpy sex.  Try it.

VIII.  Lee Majors


The Six Million Dollar Man is yet another crush from my queer childhood.  I was 7 when Lee Majors first ran 60 mph in his sexy red tracksuit unzipped just enough to reveal his lush hairy chest.  I had the action figure with the removable arm skin to reveal his bionic components and I even joined the Six Million Dollar Man Fan Club.  Even now the promotional shot of Lee Majors you received with your membership hangs in my bathroom.  It is strangely signed (printed really) by the character Col. Steve Austin rather than Mr. Majors.

IX.  Sean Penn


Sean Penn was never really on my radar until he starred in the film 21 Grams in 2003.  The film has a complex, non-linear narrative in which each character has a past, present and future storyline that are interwoven and eventually resolved at the end of the film.  He was wonderful in that film and at the age of 43 revealed his ass for the sake of the narrative (HA!)  and I was impressed and intrigued.  Like Chris O’Donnell his appeal to me is growing as he ages.

X.  Matt Dillon


Like Sean Penn, Matt Dillon has continued to look better and better with age.  I have always had a soft spot for Mr. Dillon which I cannot easily explain.  I have enjoyed him in films such as The Outsiders, To Die For and particularly Drugstore Cowboy and Factotum where he starred opposite the amazing Lili Taylor.  He is clearly a strong actor and there is something about his dark eyes and the shape of his head that is endlessly alluring.  Also, perhaps I like that he has survived teen stardom and endured as a successful actor.  Endurance is always appealing.


So, hopefully, my 10 hot monster choices of television and film will give you dear reader a sense of what I find appealing and sexy as well as  render my experiment into the hot monster competition between London and New York more elucidating.  Or you could just enjoy the photos. 

Finally, what are your hot monsters for television and film?  Who strikes your fancy?  Who were the crushes of your childhood and adolescence?  Feel free to share.


  1. Oh my! I continue to learn so much about you through this blog!

    I am ALL OVER the Roseanne-era John Goodman dumpy-sexy phenomenon!!! Have we talked about this? I don't remember you mentioning him. Something, as you say, about the way he moves but also (as that character) his quiet masculinity - rock-hard, but also vulnerable and open.

    Also, I was meh on the Sean Penn situation until I stumbled on him being interviewed by Charlie Rose and I couldn't tear myself away. Then he went to New Orleans in a boat, and I had to avert my gaze, but you know, whatever. Pick and choose what you remember (a la Chuck Heston's cold dead hands).

    May I add my very own personal hot monster votes?
    Ray Liotta
    Tim Roth
    Jon Favreau (who seems to get even more appealing as he gets older and fatter)
    Rossano Brazzi (in Summertime)
    Frank Sinatra 1955-65 (when he was grown up and a little dirty and had had his heart broken by Ava Gardner)

  2. Thanks for your comment punctured! I'm all over Jon Favreau like white on rice. Brazzi certainly has "it" in Summertime; I almost included him, but the publicity pics of him didn't hold up for me.

    And yes, John Goodman. I agree with your quiet masculinity assessment as Dan Connor. He has great talent.

    Best, Kelly

  3. Sean Penn!! No, no, no, no no. He is such a big girl. He'd never really made much impact on me until Mystic River, and he really showed what a ham he is. Kevin Bacon and Tim Robbins were so good, and the film is totally let down by Sean Penn.