Tuesday, May 4, 2010

In Search of a Hot Monster Part II: The Boys of New York

Boris_Karloff_as_The_Monster_in_Bride_of_Frankenstein_film_trailer One of the original Hot Monsters- Boris Karloff as Frankenstein

In my post In Search of  a Hot Monster*:  The Boys of London I discussed the results of an experiment I conducted during my recent visit to the United Kingdom to determine how many lads of London were hot.  While there I counted 68 hot monsters over a 12 day period.  In order to see whether London indeed has the hotter monsters I then performed a similar experiment here in New York City from 18 April to 29 April 2010.  During this follow-up experiment I found only 58 hot monsters in the city.  Thus, the winner is London by 10 hot monsters, a statistically significant number or something like that.  Congratulations Blokes of London!!!

If you disagree with these findings and have your own data, please share.  I would also note that the boys of London were not only hotter, but had a definite edge in sartorial display over the men of New York City.  Of course, if my entire experiment was conducted only in the East Village, that conclusion might have been different.

Here is a breakdown of the New York City Hot Monster Data:

I.  A graph of the number of hot monster findings by day.  What this graph ultimately tells us, I don’t know.


II.  A map showing the locations of memorable hot monsters seen in New York City.  Each significant sighting is indicated by a red number from 18-29.  The number corresponds to the day in April of the actual sighting.  What this map ultimately tells us, I don’t know.


III.  The sightings are broken down according to the number of hot monsters seen along with my activities and locations within the city on each particular day.  Notable sightings are also detailed.

Sunday 18 April 2010…Total: 6


Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, Penn Station

I saw 2 burning hot monsters on 8th Avenue between West 28th and West 29th Streets.  Their appeal was heightened by the fact that they were holding hands.  In my mind I imagined them as Broadway dancers who had been flirting with each other since rehearsals and then the night before I saw them they had a magical date and consummated their relationship.  On this Sunday, they were on their way to perform a matinee, strolling up 8th Avenue hand in hand.

Monday 19 April 2010…Total:  7


Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, Penn Station, Midtown, E train

The last hot monster I saw today was on 1oth Avenue and West 23rd Street.  He was wearing gym shorts and was obviously out for a jog.  He was older with incongruous long, boyish hair streaked with grey, but it worked.  His best feature, however, were his amazing calves- a body part which always sparks my interest.

Tuesday 20 April 2010…Total:  5

Boris_Karloff_The_Mummy Boris Karloff in The Mummy

Activities and Locations: Chelsea. Gristede’s Supermarket 9th Avenue at West 24th Street, Penn Station

At Penn Station there was a boy who looked a bit like Channing Tatum with a suedehead haircut which I always find enthralling.  But of course the boy has to have a nicely shaped head or it all goes wrong.

Wednesday 21 April 2010…Total:  5


Activities and Locations:  M23 Bus, Stuyvesant Town, Gristede’s Supermarket 1st Avenue and East 20th Street, Starbucks 1st Avenue at 16th Street

2 significant sightings today.  The first was a hot dad in one of the Stuyvesant Town playgrounds who was wearing rumpled grey jeans and a slightly darker grey wrinkled button long sleeve shirt.  He was a bit of a hipster with his wallet chain and the grey Converse slip-on no lace All Stars.  I have the same grey All Stars, so obviously our destinies are intertwined and we will meet in the near future.

The second memorable hot monster was an older grey haired guy in Starbucks with a prominent nose.  An arresting proboscis can be strikingly handsome when part of the right facial configuration.  He reminded me a bit of Anderson Cooper, but better looking and definitely sexier.  Cooper always strikes me as a bit pasty both physically and in demeanor.

Thursday 22 April 2010…Total: 5

Stuyvesant_Town_in_New_York_City Courtesy of D. Shankbone

Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, Stuyvesant Town, City Opera Thrift Shop East 23rd Street between 2nd/3rd Avenues, Starbucks 1st Avenue and East 16th Street, Gristede’s Supermarket 9th Avenue and West 24th Street

One significant hot monster was seen today- a hipster crossing 3rd Avenue wearing skinny grey jeans tucked into brown lace-up boots, a white T and a black cardigan.

Friday 23 April 2010…Total:  9

Mummy1932 The Mummy 1932

Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, Flower Market on West 28th Street,  Naturally Tasty Restaurant 5th Avenue and West 27th Street, Stuyvesant Town, Starbucks 1st Avenue and East 16th Street, East Village

This day had the highest number of sightings, 9, of the entire experiment in New York City.  This date’s memorable sighting occurred at Naturally Tasty, a diner on lower 5th Avenue.  No pun intended.  I dubbed this mid-40’s gentleman endearingly, Pinocchio because of his extremely prominent nose.  Like the guy in Starbucks from a few days earlier, a large mountainous nose on the right facial landscape is most handsome.  This hot monster wore a randomly logoed red T, jeans and boots.  He had lovely, wavy dark hair with grey and was alluringly chewing gum with his mouth open.  Naturally tasty indeed.

Saturday 24 April 2010…Total:  3

Foto_Bela_Lugosi The original Hot Monster- Bela Lugosi

Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, Gristede’s Supermarket 9th Avenue and West 24th Street

Only 3 hot monsters were observed today.  The memorable sighting was a short, beefy guy in a black T and shorts with perfectly coiffed hair.  He had a bit of a meathead look which can be appealing from time to time.

Sunday 25 April 2010…Total: 5

justinbondandme Superstar Justin Bond, A Total Hot Monster, and me…

Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, Joe’s Pub, East Village

On this Sunday I went to see the incomparable Justin Bond at Joe’s Pub.  All 5 sightings occurred there.  The cutest of the 5 was a bear with the perfect hair/beard combination.  The length and styling were spot on and quite attractive and enhanced his sweet face with deep blue eyes and fireplug body.

Monday 26 April 2010…Total:  5

JacklynSmithJune06 Courtesy m j c

Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, M23 Bus, Stuyvesant Town, Trader Joe’s in Union Square, F Train, E Train, East Village, Starbucks 1st Avenue and East 16th Street

There were 2 significant sightings on this day.  The first on East 14th Street was a hot monster hipster wearing skinny grey jeans tucked into leather basketball sneakers, a white T and a lavender leather? jacket.  All of this sartorial perfection was set off by a the boy’s baseball cap which he wore at a jaunty and rakish angle.  This hot monster was certainly a hot mess.

The second notable sighting of the day was at Starbucks on 1st Avenue.  A boy with his laptop and wearing ear phones sported the most perfectly tussled dark brown hair.  His hair obviously came that way, no fussing, no product, just genetically coiffed sexy hair.  Jaclyn Smith would be jealous.

Tuesday 27 April 2010…Total:  1


Activities and Locations:  Penn Station, Chelsea

Slim pickin’s today.  The only hot monster observed was a cute bear with beard and sunglasses on West 23rd Street and 10th Avenue.  He was rockin’ the dumpy sexy look like the young, hot John Goodman.

Wednesday 28 April 2010…Total:  5

phantomopera Lon Chaney Sr. as The Phantom of the Opera:  Hot Monster or Hot Mess?

Activities and Locations:  Chelsea, M23 Bus, Stuyvesant Town, L Train, F Train, Vintage Thrift Shop 3rd Avenue and East 22nd Street

Emerging from the Vintage Thrift Shop on 3rd Avenue was a hot monster clearly living the dream.  He wore dark denim skinny jeans tucked in gunmetal grey boots with a white T and a short Members Only style black jacket.  On his head he sported large headphones.  He was “rockin’ the cans” as Kathy Griffin would say, walking to the beat of his own internal world as he headed downtown.  Like the boy on 14th Street in the lavender leather? jacket, this guy too was assuredly a hot mess.

Thursday 29 April 2010…Total:  2

Schreck Max Shreck as Nosferatu:  Hot Monster or Hot Mess?

Of the 2 hot monster sightings today only one was truly noteworthy.  He was a cute, athletic guy with a blond suedehead wearing Adidas Superstars in black and white- sneakers which are always sexy and nostalgic.  I also noticed that he had a great hairline at the neck which sometimes is all that is needed.


In conclusion dear readers you might conduct your own 12 day Hot Monster Experiment in your hometown.  Send me the results and we can compare and contrast them with my London and New York City findings.  Perhaps soon an entire Hot Monster Map of the World will emerge, telling you and me where the Hot Monsters haunt the landscape.

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