Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Miss Havisham finally walks down the aisle…

miss_havisham2

Recently, a same-sex marriage bill was passed and signed into law in New York.  It is a tremendous historical moment for non-heterosexuals and I thank everyone who worked so very hard for many years to ensure its passage.  And it is fitting that this law was enacted a day before the Gay Pride Parade here in New York City.

Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, it never occurred to me that non-heterosexuals such as myself would one day be able to marry in a legal sense.  Non-heterosexual visibility in my suburban world at the time was relegated to the very negative or to camp- Paul Lynn on Hollywood Squares or Billy Crystal on Soap.  Not that this visibility really bothered me in my closet which was bursting with spectacular and unashamed desire.  I found ways to express and solidify my queerness and accepted this fact within myself and then reconciled it with the world both heterosexual and non-heterosexual when I was 18.

In other posts on The Great Within, I have often compared myself to Miss Havisham still wearing her wedding dress amidst the cobwebs.  Marriage equality in New York does nothing to alter that feeling.  When I learned this law was passed, I was both happy and full of regret and sadness.

My Miss Havisham will probably never walk down the aisle.  Even dating for me has been enduring a long drought, mainly because I don’t feel very attractive or desirable; my age and body make me feel invisible too.

This state of being bothers me at times, but mostly it feels strangely right.

2 comments:

  1. I think you'd make someone a marvellous husband my dear, when you find someone with standards as high as your own.

    Of course, being single is just as valid a choice as not being single, but I feel sad when you say that it is mainly your feelings about yourself that keep this as your default position.

    You are a jewel among men!

    ReplyDelete
  2. And you darling are a rare jewel as well.

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete